The Leaving Time
June 1, 2026
I recently went to a “We’re moving to a new school” goodbye party, and today I saw photos from a retirement celebration elsewhere. Ah yes — the leaving time, as my nephew used to say when he was four or five years old.
And with the leaving time comes some ups and downs.
Whenever I was about to leave my brother’s house, my nephew — usually loving, connected, and deeply huggable — would suddenly become distant and dismissive. When I finally asked him about it, he simply said, “Well, we are getting to the leaving time…”
I rarely hear adults describe emotional complexity with that kind of clarity. Change and leavings bring up a lot for people.
As the school year ends, there is sparkle: photos, celebratory cakes, summer dresses, retirement speeches, countdowns, applause.
And underneath all of that? Stress. Comparison. Fear. Sadness. Relief. Uncertainty. The smiles that hide how tender people actually feel about what is ending and what comes next.
I don’t mean to be a downer. Fifteen years ago, I practically skipped out of the school district where I had worked for over two decades. I was proud, energized, and ready. But right alongside that determination was nervousness and uncertainty. And alongside my emotional brew was my colleague’s — one flavored with honest jealousy. She finally looked at me and said, “Stop smiling already.”
Eeesh.
I think we underestimate the emotional regulation required to move through the final month of a school year.
Yes, the energy rises. The weather shifts. Summer beckons. There are projects to finish, events to organize, classrooms to pack up, reports to complete. We run on adrenalin and anticipation.
But there is also pressure. Fatigue. Grief. And sometimes a sadness that feels difficult to name.
What I want to encourage during this “both/and” season is simple: recognize the tenderness of ‘the leaving time.’ Don’t outrun it.
Yes, there is structural and programmatic work to be done.
We focus on checklists.
We organize celebrations.
We count down the days.
But we also need to look below the surface.
Because for some people, this season is full of pride.
For others, this season is full sadness.
For many, both at the same time.
Some people are leaving schools they deeply loved.
Some are retiring and wondering who they will be without the rhythm and identity of work.
Some are staying while watching colleagues move on to exciting opportunities and trying hard not to compare.
Some students are thrilled about what comes next. Others are quietly terrified.
“The leaving time” asks a lot of us emotionally.
And one of the greatest gifts we can offer each other in May and June (and July) is a little more generosity around what people may be carrying internally while still smiling for the group photo.
I think that emotional maturity is not about having only the “right” emotions during times of transition. It’s about making room for the complexity of them.
Perhaps my nephew understood something at four years old that many of us are still learning as adults: when we get to “the leaving time,” people often act differently – not because they care less, but because they care deeply.
So as this school year winds down, celebrate. Dress up. Eat the cake. Be in the group photo.
And also leave room for tenderness. Leave room for compassion toward yourself and toward others as everyone navigates the complicated emotions that endings tend to bring.
Questions to Ask Yourself
- How do I typically behave during “the leaving time”?
- What emotions sit underneath my productivity, excitement, or exhaustion at the end of a school year? Do I allow myself to feel them all?
- Who around me might need a little more compassion or understanding right now?
- Where might comparison be stealing joy from a transition that deserves celebration?
- What conversations or acknowledgements still need to happen before this year closes so I end as well as I can?
What can we do to better care for ourselves and one another during the emotional ‘both/and-ness’ of this month?
Join me in the group photo. Eat the cake.
It matters.
Questions, comments, or suggestions? Feel free to email me at jennifer@jenniferabrams.com.
Cool Resources
Good Writing: 36 Ways to Improve Your Sentences by Anne Lamott and Neil Allen. “Two writers show you how to turn a worthy sentence into a memorable one. Starting where The Elements of Style leaves off, Good Writing can improve your book, your essay, your memo, your blog post, speech, or script. These essential rules for persuasive language work on any type of writing, and anyone can learn them quickly.”
Books We Love “Books We Love is NPR’s interactive reading guide. Mix and match tags such as Book Club Ideas, Biography & Memoir or Eye-Opening Reads to filter results and find the book that’s perfect for you or for someone you love.”
Protocol Cards “These cards were designed to solve a need from our Nervous System Mastery community. They wanted a way to integrate the tools we teach into their lives more easily. So we initially created this as a resource for our student community, but after so much positive feedback we decided to open them up to the world.”
