Less Social Friction Please…
May 1, 2025
Before I wrote this post, I spent two weeks leading sessions on having healthy adult to adult communication while at two conferences, facilitated two days of professional learning experiences at two schools, talked to many educators, and had oodles of conversations. At one leadership conference, one woman said something that sadly didn’t surprise me as it is too too common in our organizations – and so, it is worth me writing about.
After having shared a dilemma she was facing at her school and after having been listened by other educators, whom she didn’t know, her comment was how nice and helpful it was that fellow educators listened and supported her as she worked through her challenge. Professionals working with the intention to help a colleague to feel more empowered and effective. Yes, more of that, please! And in many organizations it doesn’t happen often enough.
What did it take to make that moment happen? Why doesn’t it happen more often? Where did that psychological safety come from? All of us deserve to experience moments such as hers – where we are living with less ‘social friction’ and we get more support and challenge (i.e. ‘intellectual friction’).
Timothy R. Clark is the writer who I need to credit for the phrases in the above paragraph. He is the author of The Four Stages of Psychological Safety: Defining the Path to Inclusion and Innovation. He would say the environment we all contributed to in that moment for our colleague mentioned above provided a place to not ‘self-censor’ but to feel open to share, and open to listen. It was a place of psychological safety where all in the group feel safe to learn, grow, contribute, and challenge. Isn’t that the climate we are hungry to work in?
My workshops support the development of the skills, capacities, and mindsets needed to be healthy, professional places of learning for all within them. I work with educators to design structures, build skill sets, and grow capacities in all adults in the system so that effective, healthy adult to adult communication in schools happens more consistently and intentionally.
This climate work to create a culture of feedback and learning for adults isn’t done overnight, especially if you have had a few too many ‘verbal papercut moments’ in your school where folks are now skittish or wounded by the comments of others. Yet in order for a school to be healthier culture-wise and grow in its ability to ‘level up,’ the work must put on the front burner and committed to.
In psychologically safe spaces:
- Educators need to feel safe and feel included in the school.
- Educators need to be able to learn, ask questions, make mistakes and be able to safely ask for help.
- Educators need to feel okay contributing and not get bullied for being a ‘tall poppy’ and to feel like their ideas are met with dignity and respect, not eyerolling.
- Educators need to feel safe to challenge – share a concern in a humane and growth producing way. Expressing complaints are not okay. Expressing concerns is necessary.
My book, Stretching Your Learning Edges: Growing (Up) at Work, and the consulting work I do around it to make those mindsets live out loud in a school is my contribution to making schools more psychologically safe, emotionally mature and cognitively capable. We need to highlight the essentialness of healthy effective adult to adult communication in schools – build up the skills on a daily basis – emphasize them in staff meetings, one to one interactions, and during team planning time. Our development in this part of our work isn’t an indulgence. Join me on this journey of growing (up) at work.
Questions, comments, or suggestions? Feel free to email me at jennifer@jenniferabrams.com.
Cool Resources
Third Order Change – “We help leaders courageously transform themselves and their organizations from the inside out, so they can create lasting positive change in their communities with integrity.” Justin May knows what he is doing and he is a mensch. Check out his work.
Grounding Leadership – “Welcome to Grounding Leadership – a space where we’ll explore the rich cross-section of authentic leadership, educational innovation, and collective wisdom for creating thriving learning environments.” Melissa George writes really good, cogent leadership and adult development ‘stuff’ on Substack and is a wonderful thought partner. Check her out as well.
Amy Bonsall at Collective – “What comes next isn’t obvious — not because you’re lost — but because you’re asking better questions. Not “What should I do?” But “What’s worth it?” Big moves. Small shifts. If it moves you, we’ll move it. Less effort. More meaning. Brave experiments. Sharp questions. Meaningful momentum. Let’s move what matters.” Amy isn’t afraid of ambiguity or change. Good to have someone like that in your corner.
