Adulting is Hard

July 5, 2017

Happy July. The sun is out. Summer is in full swing. Sunsets and strawberries. Can anything be wrong? And who am I to feel sad when things are supposed to going so well! Before I write anything else, I am fine. My family is healthy. So all is good. But even with that awareness, I have been feeling sad. Endings of relationships, politics in the USA, being in the business of conflict resolution and hearing about so much that is challenging to so many across the districts and schools I work with. It requires me to be in tiptop emotional shape. And sometimes deep sorrow shows up – even in the middle of summer break. Ugh.

I notice when I am disorganized, as I am often obsessively on top of things, that something is amiss. I need to stop and have a good cry. It feels weird to thread the needle – didn’t pay a bill – so something must need to be addressed in my emotional life – but yet there it is. When things are wobbly, I have a tendency to sheer up my footing – get super on top of things – stay in control. But what has caused me to be a little imbalanced is right there under the surface and it will demand my attention at some point. I have to deal. Curling up in a fetal position for extended periods of time isn’t an option. Adulting is hard.

An article in Psychology Today about breakup grief (even if you aren’t in that relationship space, the general ideas are worthwhile) suggests we need to not just ‘get a grip’ but actually ‘acknowledge that there was a loss and feel emotional pain about that loss’ if we are going to be able to integrate that experience into our lives and move forward.

So for anyone who was released from a job or been in a bit of PTSD from being in some (or a lot of) challenging experiences this past school year and all of a sudden in the midst of your summer break actually feel sorrow and are finding it a bit incongruent with the wonderful weather, practice a little self-compassion. Give yourself some loving attention. You aren’t weird. Summer can bring up some uncomfortable feelings. You finally have time to feel and you need to feel to move forward. Sending hugs and some solace from Julian of Norwich. “All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.” Here’s to well-being – after a good cry, that is.

If you have any questions, comments or topic suggestions, please feel free to email me at jennifer@jenniferabrams.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

Cool Resources

The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul
“With The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte brings you a holistic life-planning tool that will revolutionize the way you go after what you want in life. Unapologetically passionate and with plenty of warm wit, LaPorte turns the concept of ambition inside out and offers an inspired, refreshingly practical workbook for using the Desire Map concept of ambition inside out and offers an inspired, refreshingly practical workbook for using the Desire Map process.”

Shattered: Inside Hillary Clinton’s Doomed Campaign
“Drawing on the authors’ deep knowledge of Hillary from their previous book, the acclaimed biography HRC, Shattered offers an object lesson in how Hillary herself made victory an uphill battle, how her difficulty articulating a vision irreparably hobbled her impact with voters, and how the campaign failed to internalize the lessons of populist fury from the hard-fought primary against Bernie Sanders.” As a consultant who works around the country helping others find their voice, I found the book sad yet helpful on many levels -beyond the machinations of a national campaign.

Why You Should Take Time for Self-Reflection (Even If You Hate Doing It) by Jennifer Porter. “The hardest leaders to coach are those who won’t reflect — particularly leaders who won’t reflect on themselves.”

About Jennifer Abrams

Jennifer Abrams

Jennifer Abrams considers herself a "voice coach," helping others learn how to best use their voices – be it collaborating on a team, presenting in front of an audience, coaching a colleague and supervising an employee. Jennifer holds a Master's degree in Education from Stanford University and a Bachelor's degree in English from Tufts University. She lives in Palo Alto, California. Jennifer's publications include Having Hard Conversations, The Multigenerational Workplace: Communicating, Collaborating & Creating Community and Hard Conversations Unpacked – the Whos, the Whens and the What Ifs. She has also created a Corwin Press e-course by the same name.

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Praise for Jennifer

“Jennifer Abrams is an exceptional presenter and author. Her workshops are motivational, memorable, and extremely useful. The lessons and skills that she presents are easily shared. Jennifer is charismatic, down-to-earth, and outstanding to work with. We truly enjoyed having her present to our administrators.”

Nekeya Irby, Executive Director
Office of Professional Development, Detroit Public Schools, Detroit, MI